if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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