i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
