You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
