Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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