Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
