Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
