were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
