His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
