I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
two words: eviction party
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
