His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
