wanna go halves on a baby?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
