I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
