i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
