i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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