herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
