Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
