The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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