where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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