Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
