I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
