at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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