Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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