If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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