Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we made out on top of his cat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
