But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
