How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
