Don't you send me to vm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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