at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
