Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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