I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
