Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
