yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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