clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am available for nakedness
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
