you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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