I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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