he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
