Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
