AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
