Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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