Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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