Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
