You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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