I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had sex on a roof
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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