That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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