no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
