we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
