I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
