did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
