I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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