All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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