He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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