Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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