I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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