Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
