i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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