ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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