I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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