I think my fart just growled at me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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