I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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