whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Houston, we have a squirter
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
