I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
