i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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