New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
