Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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