yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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