PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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